


make me new

by en passant (corinthian)



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Breathplay, Complicated Relationships, M/M, Non-Graphic Sex, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:00:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5813230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corinthian/pseuds/en%20passant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hate was easy, trust and affection are much harder.</p><hr/><p>Consensual sibling incest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	make me new

**Author's Note:**

> This is a possible sequel to _batter my heart_ — in that this follows directly after that, but it doesn't have to. So if you're not a fan of sibling incest, this can not even exist to you, essentially.
> 
> Small canon, big indulgences.

Karna has never thought of his brother as weak. Arjuna has always been his equal, his rival, his brother in so many meanings of the word. So when Arjuna admits weakness (not quite tearfully, hands knotting fruitless in the air between them before he gives up and lowers them to his sides, face turned shamefully toward the ground) Karna can only try to accept him and try to support him.

"I can't do this." Arjuna says.

Karna isn't sure how to react, at first. He hesitates a moment too long. It's like watching the sun set across Arjuna's face. Bitterness, resignation, a little bit of fear and disgust.

"Go on then, you were right in the end." (It's an old argument, spanning lifetimes. An old accusation of Arjuna's privilage, his callousness, the fact that he would inevitably need to reach a hand out to someone else, because even a peerless archer can't stand alone forever.) He waits for Karna to taunt him, turn the words back at him. Of course, he's really waiting for Karna to abandon him.

"Arjuna," Karna starts. But he can't say something false and _You can do this_ would ring dishonest to both of them.

Arjuna laughs, snags the collar of his own shirt and pulls it down. The golden necklace — the golden collar — a proof of the trust between them still stays clasped around his neck. He doesn't say anything, but it's then that Karna notices that he's trembling, slightly. The tremor in his hands is small, the stuttering and shuddering of his breaths, less so.

He's come undone.

It's the same as pleading.

_Help me._

"Then we'll do it together." Karna promises, puts his hands over Arjuna's. He moves their twined fingers — because Arjuna has let go of his shirt, twisted his hands around and immediately laced them with Karna's, holding tightly — to press the backs of Arjuna's gloved hands to the metal of the necklace. That stills the shakes.

Karna leans forward, presses their foreheads together and inhales slowly. Soon, Arjuna's breathing follows his. They stay that way for several minutes and Karna only ignores what Arjuna says next out of consideration for his brother's pride — "Please."

He lets Arjuna make the first move, because it's all about Arjuna. (Because Karna hasn't quite decided what he wants out of this either, honestly. It's always been easier to navigate someone else's desire.)

Arjuna turns his face to the side, a little. Inhales. Exhales. He practically nuzzles Karna and for a moment Karna thinks that might be sufficient — that Arjuna was seeking comfort all along. Until Arjuna's mouth presses an almost chaste kiss to Karna's cheek, then to his jaw bone, then to his neck. It's only then that Karna feels the absence of the choker that now sits around Arjuna's neck.

Then, Arjuna's teeth graze his skin. Tentative at first, then followed bye Arjuna's tongue. Then, harder. Then he sinks his teeth into Karna's neck. Karna's reaction is immediate, he grabs Arjuna by the hair and yanks him back. Arjuna's teeth tear at Karna's neck a little, but only bruise, not breaking the skin. His teeth are bared in a black grin and Karna holds him at arm's length.

"Arjuna." It isn't a warning. Karna means for it to be supportive. He lets go of Arjuna's hair, drags his fingers through gently. He knows how gestures of comfort should work, but it doesn't seem to soothe Arjuna.

Arjuna still — either wants to, or is afraid not to — sees him as the enemy. Even though he has given Karna his trust. (Karna wonders what gave Arjuna such a perspective, hadn't he been blessed since birth?)

"What's that? Are you giving up already? Is this too much for you?" Arjuna starts. His voice sounds so normal, as if he's reciting some polite greeting — a gesture of normalcy. But when Karna doesn't respond his breath comes faster, words more frantic. "Have you realized that it's still here? What I wish to do to you? Dishonor us both, brother of mine. This me isn't another side, this is Arjuna." He thumps his open hand against his own chest, meat of the palm striking his sternum and making his voice shake.

He keeps speaking, but Karna has stopped listening. He could accept this, too. _So that's how it is_ and pick up his spear and they would be back where they started before. Death would be more painful, for them both, because this time... 

Karna wants to accept it. It's his nature to accept things as they come and shoulder the burden of it. The leverage point for destiny. But even though Arjuna's mouth and smiling, jeering, there is something wild and terrified in his eyes. Karna would be a poor older brother if he didn't interfere.

As Arjuna speaks, Karna reaches forward and grabs a hold of his tongue. It stops Arjuna in his tracks, he doesn't even bite down on Karna's fingers. He just stares instead. He looks far too much like a little kid who's been caught doing something they shouldn't be.

Karna pinches a little with his fingers. Arjuna makes a soft quiet sound, but he also sheds some of his youth, looking more the Arjuna that he should be.

"This Arjuna," Karna says, slowly. "Shouldn't be so weak in front of me."

It's not quite the right thing to say. But it's like a release of tension for Arjuna. Karna watches him breathe in, relax, slump slightly. — like it's a relief to be told that he's not good enough. That sits sourly in Karna's mouth, and he doesn't say anything else.

He releases Arjuna's tongue.

"Hah. Wouldn't it be easier if it were lust?" Arjuna asks. "Unfortunately, it's as ridiculous as you've said before. You are too much my reflection." He holds a hand out, grasps at something invisible. "And just as transient."

"Self-centered." Karna says.

"Do you even understand?" Arjuna talks over him. "The moment you existed my life was changed forever." It's unfair.

"I've always existed before you." He is the older brother, after all.

"Then is my unhappiness part of your doing?" Arjuna asks — but quietly, before turning his words back into accusations. "Why do I want you by my side?"

"Is that what you're so afraid of?" It sounds mocking, because Karna's voice lacks inflection, but he means it to be kind. It's not something Karna understands, in simple terms. Because Karna is all accepting and Arjuna, his inverse.

But Arjuna has always been easy for Karna to read. He sees it, in the way the corner of Arjuna's mouth tightens, how he squares himself and finds something within to anchor himself. Hatred is easy and simple to make productive. It's proper to defeat an enemy, after all. (It's also, yearning, that Karna sees but doesn't quite understand.)

"Afraid? Do you think I'm afraid of you?"

"Of me being here, still. What has happened to unsettle you?"

To Karna, trust wasn't complicated. He trusts Arjuna at his back, and trusts Arjuna with his life. (But, if that trust were to be betrayed, he would accept that as well.) Arjuna seems to have taken two steps forward and three back, antsy and uncomfortable. Self-doubting isn't an emotion he wears well.

"You're easy to hate." Arjuna says.

Karna remembers something an old master told him. He can't help but to quirk his lips, slightly. It's a fond memory. "I am." He agrees. But that infuriates Arjuna.

"You're difficult to love." Arjuna says.

"Then don't." (Karna wouldn't beg for someone's love or affection. That's how things are, that's how he goes through life. Charity is given, not taken.)

"Are you fine with that, then? Just — " Arjuna hisses it. "You have unmade me." You have made me want something I do not want.

Words are difficult for Karna. Understanding never comes from speech, because meaning is far more complex than simply being defined. He could tell Arjuna that he hasn't done anything, or that the Arjuna who cares isn't any less of a person — proper hero — than the Arjuna who didn't. Instead he takes Arjuna's right hand, slides his fingers down to the base of his glove and slowly starts working it off.

Arjuna's fingers curl, slightly. His hand almost makes a fist, but Karna doesn't let him. Gently, without words, Karna brings Arjuna's hand to his mouth and kisses his fingertips. Then kisses his knuckles. Finally, he kisses Arjuna's open palm.

"Do you understand?" Karna asks, finally.

Arjuna is looking away, but he replies: "I'm trying."

* * *

It's just that Arjuna is particular.

It becomes habit, because it's easier to communicate that way. Karna catches Arjuna's hand in the hall way when they pass, just lightly tangling their fingers, or making sure their shoulders brush. At first the contact startles Arjuna, he flinches or recoils slightly. Then, it becomes familiar. If no one else is around Arjuna will let their hands stay close, linger or slow his pace.

He still feels distant to Karna, especially when as soon as Arjuna can hear someone else's footsteps, he'll pull away. (This too, Karna accepts without disappointment.) But their Master notices.

"I'm happy that you're getting along better," she says with a smile.

"To be honest, I'm not sure we are." Karna says.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"He's nervous." Karna can't quite put it into words, but that's close enough.

"Hmmmmm! Did you know, it's not weird to be nervous around people you get along with?" She holds her hand over her heart, and speaks as if reciting a precious line of wisdom from someone else, "Trusting yourself is just as important as trusting them."

"Do you still lack self-confidence?" Karna asks her, remembering that when she summoned him she had almost fallen over in shock. Then, had said, _I didn't think I deserved to have you answer my call, not after Arturia came and — I'm very lucky and blessed, thank you_.

She turns red. And then laughs and sticks her tongue out at him. "I can't be a good Master if I'm not working to level up too!"

"Aa, that's true." He agrees.

"Everything happens in steps!" She reminds him.

(For Karna, almost everything is all or nothing.)

* * *

The new clothes that his Master (with a little help from da Vinci) get him are nice. Karna isn't picky about clothes, but he accepts every gift with the consideration it deserves. The fact that she wants them to feel comfortable in the somwhat time displaced but still modern Chaldea speaks volumes to him. She has a kind heart, even if she fumbles with her words and gestures.

The shoes, from Arjuna, fit him perfectly as well. 

It's rare, however, to see Arjuna dressed down. Karna doesn't think on it too much — not until he sees Arjuna standing together with Saber. They're both dressed in blue and white and both in the clothes their Master provided. It looks as though they were meant to go together, he thinks. Because they both are wearing slacks — Saber with a blazer and tie, Arjuna in a button-down and jacket. Her clothes are black and navy and Arjuna's white and indigo. Complimenting. There are only a few other Servants in the area, their Master talking to Mashu and Dr. Roman. Things are peaceful.

Arjuna's shirt, though, is unbuttoned near his neck and the gold of the necklace can be seen even from across the room where Karna stands. As he watches, Arjuna leans down a little to murmur something in Saber's ear. She smiles a little and nods. Karna thinks it odd that they're both so solemn, even when clearly comfortable with each other. It's only when Arjuna spies Karna watching that his expression darkens — that the serene face he had been wearing becomes tense. Saber puts her hand on Arjuna's shoulder, a firm, supportive gesture that Karna makes note of, then she steps away.

"Karna," and it's Arjuna who crosses the distance between them. "It seems things have come to a lull." It wasn't rare for there to be weeks where there were no battles to fight. Karna enjoys those times, though he never complains being called to battle. He suspects that Arjuna dislikes being idle.

"Yes," Karna answers, because he knows Arjuna expects an answer.

Arjuna fidgets. He doesn't fidget in the way that most people would, but Karna can see it in his eyes, the way he rolls his shoulders and the little dimple on his lower lip that means Arjuna has bitten down slightly on the inside of his lip.

"Your way, this time." Arjuna says it like a challenge. Karna doesn't quite know what Arjuna means. Words are difficult, and for once Arjuna is difficult to read.

But when Arjuna leans forward and presses his lips to the corner of Karna's mouth. One kiss. Then a second, a more proper kiss. A third, with teeth and Arjuna's hands in Karna's hair. It surprises him, because Arjuna has always (is still) so private. 

It's complicated, but Karna understands this. He also understands when Arjuna pulls away, shame-faced and fingers trembling lightly against his skull. "I'm stronger with you." Arjuna says, mostly for his own benefit. Karna makes an affirming sound, soft and soothing, and leans in to return the kisses. That calm's Arjuna's hands, they go from trembling to tugging on Karna's hair. He's demanding, Karna thinks.

He accepts that about Arjuna, too.

"Move," Arjuna murmurs into his mouth. Karna can't help but snort, grab Arjuna by the shoulders and push him back. His hair snags and catches on Arjuna's fingers before Arjuna reluctantly lets go. They leave the room, Arjuna's fingers hooked into the collar of Karna's shirt — since they kissed he hasn't let go, he's stayed touching a part of Karna as if that's what makes this real. (They pass Saber in the hall, who blushes furiously. Karna doesn't miss how Arjuna is heartened by her, but also flushes and ducks his head as they pass.)

There are not many private areas, in Chaldea. They take two corners, which must be enough to be _far enough_ in Arjuna's mind because as soon as they round the second he pulls Karna close again. For a moment he stays still. It's almost a familiar feeling — the wall to Karna's back and Arjuna tucked close, but of course they've never had such intimacy before.

"Is it clear?" Arjuna asks, his voice catches. Asking permission isn't easy, certainly not to Karna and not for something like this. Karna answers by brushing Arjuna's bangs back, kissing his forehead and then tilting his face up to kiss him on the lips.

But Arjuna rejects that — when the kiss is over he turns his face away, frowns and reiterates his question: "An answer. It would be... if I continue, without knowing, it would be even more of a disgrace."

"Just as you enjoy being by my side, I also like being with you." Karna finds it redundant to say.

"Everything you say comes out wrong," Arjuna mutters.

"Ah, sorry." Karna is sincere, even when he adds, "You're sensitive."

Arjuna makes an irritated sound and rests his forehead on Karna's shoulder. "I'm not, you're surprisingly callous, 'Hero of Charity.'"

"Is that so." He's heard that before.

"I still have a request from you." It's painful for Arjuna to say. Karna realizes, watching the way Arjuna shuts his eyes and lifts his chin — the protective pride he's carried for so long, his subtle defense — to look Karna in the eye. That Arjuna has been asking all along, in his own round about way. (But also, that it's one of Arjuna's self-imposed barriers and boundaries. It needs to be clear.)

Karna trails his hand from Arjuna's shoulder to his neck, to not surprise him. Arjuna welcomes to the gesture, even as his breath hitches. He traces his thumb over the edge of the necklace, before wrapping his hand around Arjuna's neck, his thumb pressed over the soft underside of Arjuna's jaw.

"If that's truly your request," Karna answers him, like he would their Master if she gave him an order. Arjuna laughs, quiet and breathlessly.

"It's not like you won't be getting something in return," he says. "If you're just doing it to please me, then that's your dishonor, not mine."

But Karna understands. Arjuna, who has spent his entire life holding onto his other side in desperation, is also considerate. Arjuna, who was born into love and was loved, is also craving love. And Arjuna, the decorated hero and supreme archer, finds comfort in being less than that, in being simply 'Arjuna.'

"Since we met, I have loved you in my own way." Karna tells him. He squeezes with his hand until he can feel Arjuna's pulse hammer against his skin. Arjuna murmurs something faint, but the words don't matter because his lips find Karna's and his hands fumble against Karna's clothes.

Karna only breaks the kiss to say _you have to tell me when it's too painful, Arjuna_ , even though he knows Arjuna will be reluctant to. For once, it's Arjuna who is sloppy and clumsy. His fingers snag on buttons and Karna's zipper, they roam over his body in a panic that almost worries Karna. Touch is always more reliable than words, however, and Karna is reassured as long as he can feel Arjuna's heart.

(Karna is the pristine one, this time, even when Arjuna presses impossibly close and his heart drops deep into his chest. Breathless pleasure for them both because Karna's breath is broken by soft reassurances and Arjuna's with pleas and curses.)

It's unsightly, when Arjuna finally comes undone. Karna's fingers — two of them, index and middle — are curled underneath the collar entirely. (Tomorrow, there will be a bruise against Arjuna's neck, a circle from the necklace, two bars from Karna's fingers and an oval from his thumb.) A trail of saliva at the corner of Arjuna's mouth has wet his neck, collarbone and continued down his chest under his shirt.

Arjuna loops his arms around Karna's shoulders and leans on him. His breath is ragged and Karna can only think that Arjuna is impossibly pleased, since he hasn't commented on the mess between them, since the small soft smile on his face is contented and since Arjuna says, "Since we met, I have been unable to put you out of my mind. I have loved you for far less time."

For once, Karna knows exactly what Arjuna's words mean.

**Author's Note:**

> Yet dearly I love you, and would be lov'd fain,  
> But am betroth'd unto your enemy;  
> — _Batter my heart, three-person'd God_ , John Donne


End file.
